Archive for beginning

PBP: Emptiness – The End of a Cycle

Posted in Pagan Blog Project, Ramblings with tags , , , , on March 4, 2012 by The Starry Path

Lately I´ve felt very ambivalent about my faith. Not whether I should desert it of not, but about my direction. Indeed, I´ve always had a lousy sense of direction! 😉

What I´m feeling is this, and I think most of you can recognize it; I´ve reached somewhat of a plateau, the end of a spiritual cycle. I´ve had approximately two years where I´ve been living far away from my coven. I´ve had to implement my coven training into my personal rites, as a detached solitary. It has been a lot of work, but fun and creative at the same time. I´ve missed working with my coven but felt that the tradition is being somewhat upheld through my practice. I´ve also discovered new ways I like to do things. Therefor, I don´t think that the time apart has been wasted, I have continued on the same path. I have done decisively more ritual these past two years than before, and many of them have been outside, which I thoroughly enjoy.

But now I sense the stirring of something new… I´ve felt a bit frustrated and empty, mixed with a sense of wonder. I feel like I know more, and yet less! How can that be? I think that more and more I have wandered away from Wicca 101 and onto the Mystic´s path, which I think is a natural progress for one dedicated to Wicca which actually is a mystery religion at its core. I´ve let go of the simple images in black and white, and as you can see in my earlier post about deity, that is an area of great indecisiveness!

Wicca 101 is safe, harmless and cute. But if I wanted that, I would rent a movie about penguins! I want the real deal and I want the challenge, growth and yes, mystery. True mystery. I want the transcendent human experience that is the ultimate goal of any spirituality. I don´t want to be fed nonsense, I want to discover for myself, but right now every step is a blindfolded stumble into darkness. One cycle is complete and now I stagger into the next, stripped and innocent.

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