People in our lives

Posted in Ramblings on August 16, 2015 by The Starry Path

Some people are in our lives only a brief moment, others stay longer. I believe that everyone has some wisdom to impart on us, or in us, if we take heed. My problem is that sometimes I meet someone who I feel drawn to, who perhaps know something or has a quality I am intrigued by, but I don’t know how to get near that person. I have a hard time making social things “happen”, being both shy and introverted. I have an intense yearning to kinda get drunk on that person’s soul and to share mine. But at the same time I have insecurities about my own worth. Do I really have anything worth giving, worth sharing?

Sometimes I get beaten down by these thoughts. Sometimes I wonder if there’s any point going on if I can not connect with people at the level I want to. Are we not here to do that? At the same time I wonder if it’s just a dream I have. I know that there are rooms inside that only I can access, it is impossible to try to invite someone in. Inside these rooms are swirling feelings, mist hiding all sorts of things. Things I can’t even articulate myself. No, I must be forever alone, but perhaps the Gods are with me even in those spaces. They are not bound by limited understanding or compassion.

I have seen people come and go in my life. I don’t usually try to stop them. I know that relationships ebb and flow like the ocean. We are all governed by higher forces and everything has to run its course in its set time. Instead I am thankful rather than resentful. We don’t know how much time we have with each person, so I treasure it. I am thankful every morning I wake up next to my husband, I am thankful for each day because he is my heart. The best thing in my life is my love for him. Not to be morbid, but realistic, one of us could die tomorrow. I don’t want to think that I wasted our time together, mopping over small things. That’s really true about all the important people in my life.

A rose by any other name

Posted in Ramblings, Wicca with tags , , , , on August 10, 2015 by The Starry Path

The word “Witch” has never actually had a particular draw on me. I’ve never strongly identified with it. When I was 14 I started getting into astrology, divination and magic. When I turned 15 my mother gave me my first tarot deck (Rider-Waite).

I had a book about various alternative spiritual traditions. A female witch was featured. I remember her talking about sacrificing her menstrual blood to the Earth and opening rifts in time. Nah, not really my thing. But what really set fire to my mind was the picture of the robed, sword wielding ceremonial magician in the forest! He was a member of Golden Dawn, I think, and spoke about magickal operations and invoking gods. Oh gosh, I was super intrigued!

I guess I like systems, a tested framework. And above all, I love ceremony! I love well used tools, the smell of incense, gestures, flickering candle light… The ritual repetition that becomes our spiritual fingerprint. I thrive on that!

I find it hard to make a sharp destinction between a witch and a magician. So much depends on the individual practitioner and his or her leanings and what he or she chooses to identify with. I do way more ceremony than I do spells and that’s one of my personal definitions. Even though I adhere to balance, I am a bit more concerned about the spiritual, mystical dimension of things than the material realm.

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The Lake

Posted in Nature, Ramblings on August 9, 2015 by The Starry Path

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(Photo from google)

It’s been a rainy summer, so I haven’t bathed outside at all (hopefully the coming week will present an opportunity). But late this afternoon me and my husband visited our favorite lake in the area. It use to be very few people around so that is great for us introverts.

I took off my shoes and stepped out into the lukewarm water. The pebbles under my feet slowed my steps, made me tread carefully. I watched small waves roll towards the shore, breaking against my legs while the sun broke through the clouds. I opened my arms, my breath, my spirit to the lake and it welcomed me back. Strongly I sensed the lake like a being, an entity of its own. A presence. How I long to go back and take a real plunge!

The familiar stranger

Posted in Ramblings, Wicca with tags on August 7, 2015 by The Starry Path

I said:
“I want to know you. Please come, show yourself to me!”
I saw her rise from within me, and she spoke:
“I separate myself from you, so that you may see me. I make myself a stranger, so that you can make out what is me and what is you. But if you truly wish to know me, look within and see what we are together.”

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The downside of coven life

Posted in Coven, Ramblings, Ritual, Wicca on August 5, 2015 by The Starry Path

Long time since I wrote anything at all. I have a blog where I write in my native language too, but I’m actually more drawn to write here for some reason.

Summer has arrived, mostly with rain. The coven is taking a summer break and I miss hanging out. I don’t miss the travelling though, since it’s about four hours in total. But heck, it’s totally worth it! The last ritual was held elsewhere, and when we returned to the apartment we made some tea and watched the sky grow lighter while we talked. It was a wonderful, calm closure. So relaxed and friendly. I always stay over at ritual nights, and it’s amazing to be able to sit and talk in peace without having to rush to the train. The conversations usually run quite deep then.

The downside of coven life for me has been the feeling that I’m failing my own practice. Before I met this group I was loosely part of another coven. In fact, it wasn’t I who was loose but rather the coven as a whole. That meant I had lots of time to form my own practice, and so I did. Especially the year 2011 was a very productive year for me when I re-wrote, experimented and practiced a lot, especially at esbats. That year I had my most intense moment in ritual (at an esbat), that has since been what I strive for. But the gods chose their moments with or without us, it seems!

Anyway, given the choise I would definately practice with a coven rather than without. It’s so rewarding for me on so many levels. I wouldn’t change it or trade it. But I need to get my own stuff together again. I’ve become lazy and I’m loosing touch with my own ways, my own sovereignty in circle. It takes more of you to hold the circle on your own, to keep focus all the time, because there’s no one there to back you up. It requires somewhat different skills than coven work. And as much as coven rituals are lovely, I don’t think they can get me to where I was in 2011, that sort of thing is between you and the gods.

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Prophetic Dream

Posted in Dreams with tags on November 17, 2014 by The Starry Path

This is quite strange… The woman I wrote about last time, I had a dream about her. It was the night between Thursday and Friday. In the dream she had a coven and I was invited to circle with them. I was just about to mix the salt with the water to do the cleansing, when she exclaimed “No, you mustn’t combine them!” I thought that was rather odd, but I said “Well, it’s your group…” Then I went about the circle and sprinkled salt in each direction, feeling quite perplexed.

The next morning I thought this would make a rather funny story, so I sent her a pm on facebook. She replied that in actuality, she never used saltwater to cleanse the circle. She used only salt and had done so for as long as she could remember.

I think it was very interesting that I dreamed something so specific about another person’s private practice that was actually true. A person I’d only met once. I don’t really know what to make of it.

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Wicca’s “Secret”

Posted in Wicca with tags , on November 7, 2014 by The Starry Path

Yesterday I visited our local pagan pub moot for the second time and met some new people. One of the women, who was also the administrator of the moot since fifteen years, shared her own story into Wicca. She had been High Priestess of two working covens but it didn’t sound like she had recieved any wiccan training herself, although part of some informal witch group. Well, I can’t frown upon that because initiatory covens are so rare in these parts of the world. Instead of forgetting about it, learning by doing is the only option and the one I like better.

Anyway. This woman was very nice, and over all I liked her, but she made a few statements that put me off. She talked about her wiccan books, and how she had stopped reading those once she discovered “the secret of Wicca”. After that statement she smiled contently, almost with her eyes closed, and looked very much like a cat who has swallowed a big mouse. One of the other girls tried to ask her what was her version of the truth but she wouldn’t say anything more. What she conveyed was basically that her version and The Truth were one and the same.

My reaction was to feel very unimpressed by her behavior. It also made me realize that we must have very different views on Wicca. As I interpret her statement, she believes that there is one single, objective sort of metaphysical truth. I have a hard time buying that and I’m glad to leave that sort of thinking to other religions. To me that has never been part of Wicca. Wicca to me is also so much more in the physical here and now, with its ritual workings, seasonal celebrations and traditions. It’s about the combining of the physical and the metaphysical, the bridge between the immanent and the transcendent. Anyway, to each their own.