“Small” talk

It saddens me when I give in to that voice saying that I’m not good enough. It’s so unnecessary and it ends up actually hurting people close to me. Because I get suspicious and I question what they mean by things they say, should I take that as a hidden insult? I get that it gets tiring. But some days I just feel so small and vulnerable and I retire to my shell and can’t think of a reason why someone would like me or would want to spend time with me. I compare myself to my friend’s other friends, who are bubbly, relaxed and fun. I am not those things, most of the time. I am usually guarded, private, intense and reflecting.

I get so frustrated with myself. I just want to connect but I stumble over my own feet, I get in my own way, because very probably it’s all in my head. I think it’s a good thing that I get to confront these feelings and insecurities. If I would close myself off to friendship in fear of getting hurt I would never learn. I am enough. I may have bad days but they don’t reflect my inner worth. I am enough, I am enough, I am enough.

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